Tears in the morning, stomach aches on Sunday evening, homework that ends in an argument… Your child doesn’t like school and you no longer know what to do? You are not alone. Understanding what lies behind this rejection is the first step towards helping your child find their place in class again.
Why doesn’t my child like school?
“I don’t like school” can mean many different things. In a primary school child as in a teenager, the causes are often intertwined. Here are the most common ones.
Separation anxiety
For the youngest children, leaving home can be hard, especially when starting nursery school or the first year of primary. This back-to-school stress is common and usually fades once the child finds their bearings.
It can return after a change: a house move, a new school, a birth, a family member’s illness. When the anxiety lasts several weeks and grows stronger, it is worth talking to a professional.
Fear of others and bullying
Especially around puberty, the way others look at you weighs heavily. Fear of being judged or of not fitting into a group: the playground can become an ordeal.
Behind a refusal to go to school, there is sometimes bullying. It can mean mockery, being left out, being hit or receiving hurtful messages over and over, in class or on social media. Children rarely talk about it on their own, out of shame or fear of retaliation.
Fear of failure
Bad marks, fear of disappointing, comparison with classmates: some children experience every test as a verdict. Failure is part of learning, yet it can lastingly undermine self-confidence.
This fear sometimes reflects real learning difficulties, or a learning disorder (dyslexia, dyscalculia, attention disorder…). A child who wears themselves out trying to keep up will understandably end up hating the place where they feel they are struggling.
Boredom and lack of meaning
Other children are bored. What they learn does not interest them, or they cannot see what it is for. Some gifted children are in this situation, although boredom has many other possible causes.
A child may also have real strengths that school values little. Our article on the 8 types of intelligence will help you spot their strong points.
Warning signs to watch for
Not liking school is common and often temporary. Some signs, however, deserve closer attention:
- stomach aches, headaches or nausea that appear mostly on school days;
- tears, tantrums or refusing to go, lasting several weeks;
- a sudden drop in results;
- withdrawing into themselves, or on the contrary new defiant behaviour;
- absences, repeatedly forgotten school things, homework that is always avoided.
When anxiety becomes so strong that the child can no longer go to class, this is called school phobia, or anxiety-based school refusal. It is neither a whim nor laziness: professional support is then needed.
In teenagers, absenteeism and loss of interest can also be the first signs of dropping out of school. The earlier you act, the easier it is to rebuild the link with school.
My child doesn’t like school: what can I do?
Open the conversation
The first step is to listen. Choose a calm moment, without screens or rush, and let your child describe their day in their own words. A few attitudes help:
- welcome their emotions, even if they seem exaggerated to you: their fear is real to them;
- ask open questions (“What was difficult today?”) rather than a simple “Did it go well?”;
- remind them of a difficulty they have already overcome;
- praise the effort, not only the result.
Reassure, within a clear framework
Talk about school in the future tense (“Tomorrow, when you are in class…”) and keep goodbyes short and warm. For an anxious child, moving forward in small steps can help: one day you walk them to the school gate, the next day to the street corner.
It is tempting to keep them at home when they cry. It is better, though, to avoid repeated absences: the longer a child stays away from school, the harder the return. In the case of school phobia, that return is prepared with the school and a professional.
Make homework calmer
When homework turns into a conflict every evening, the whole family suffers. A fixed time, a quiet place to work and short breaks often make a big difference.
If the tension persists, handing this moment over to someone else gives everyone some breathing space. That is the role ofhomework help : you get back to simply being a parent, and your child works with someone neutral.
Keep a life outside school
A sport, music, a youth movement: an activity your child chooses lets them succeed elsewhere and keep friends. It also builds their confidence, which eventually carries over to school.
Don’t stay alone: who can you turn to?
Supporting a child who doesn’t like school is teamwork. Don’t wait for the situation to get worse before talking about it.
- The school: the class teacher, the pupil supervisor or the head can tell you how your child behaves in class and in the playground. Once informed, they will also be more attentive.
- The PMS centre (CLB in Dutch-speaking schools): every school works with a pupil guidance centre. Its team sees pupils and parents free of charge, from nursery to the end of secondary school, for questions about wellbeing, absenteeism, bullying or study choices.
- Health professionals: your GP, a psychologist in case of strong anxiety or school phobia, a speech therapist if you suspect a reading, writing or maths disorder.
- 103 (Écoute-Enfants): a free and anonymous helpline run by the Fédération Wallonie-Bruxelles (French-speaking), where young people can talk about what they are going through, including at school. Its Dutch-speaking counterpart is Awel (102).
Rebuilding confidence with one-to-one support
When the rejection of school comes from difficulties in a subject or from a study method that does not work, one-to-one support can help your child get back on their feet. Working at their own pace, away from the eyes of the class, lets them experience success again.
At My Sherpa, an educational advisor listens to your situation and chooses the coach who suits your child. With private tutoring, at home anywhere in Belgium or online, the coach works on the subjects that are causing problems. They can also help your child build a study method that gives them back their independence.
A child who doesn’t like school is not bound to hate it forever. With a listening ear, the right people around them and a little patience, they can rediscover the joy of learning.
