Does your child do homework because they have to, not because they want to? That is common, and it is normal: nobody is equally motivated for every subject. The good news is that motivation is not fixed. It changes, and you can help your child move from “I have to” to “I want to”.
Why motivation matters at school
A child may love science and find history dull. A teenager may neglect languages because they already see themselves as an engineer. Less motivated for a subject, they will be less willing to study it.
Motivation depends on the moment, the subject, the teacher and the atmosphere at home. So it is not a character trait: it is a state that changes, and one you can influence.
What is motivation, exactly?
Motivation can be defined as the willingness to put effort into a task to reach a result. Researchers look not only at how much motivation someone has, but above all at its quality: why is the student working?
Self-determination theory, developed by American psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, answers that question. In Belgium, Professor Maarten Vansteenkiste (Ghent University) made it popular with teachers and parents through a phrase that is well known in Flanders: moving from “moetivatie” (motivation driven by “must”) to motivation, genuine desire.
Controlled motivation: working because you must
The first form is controlled motivation. The student works under pressure, which can come from two directions:
- from outside: a punishment to avoid, a promised reward, the expectations of parents or teachers;
- from inside: guilt, fear of disappointing others, the need to prove their worth, often by comparing themselves with others.
This motivation gets things moving, but it runs out quickly. The student does the minimum, remembers less and experiences studying as a chore. When the pressure gets too high, it can also feed stress and fear of failure.
Autonomous motivation: working because you want to
The second form is autonomous motivation. The student acts of their own accord. It also comes in two forms.
Autonomous extrinsic motivation
The student does not necessarily enjoy the task, but understands its meaning and why it matters to them. For example: a secondary school student who dislikes geometry but works hard at it because they want to take a science track and know they will need it.
Intrinsic motivation
This is the strongest form: the student works because the subject genuinely interests them. Doing the exercise is already a reward. Think of a young person passionate about cooking who finally gets into catering school: nobody needs to push them.
Nobody likes everything: the role of meaning
Even a student who loves their studies will have less appealing subjects. A future psychologist fascinated by human behaviour will also have to get through statistics and biology. It is normal to put less energy into those.
You cannot force anyone to like a subject. You can, however, help them see its value. That is where autonomous extrinsic motivation becomes valuable: the student does the task not for pleasure, but because they understand how it serves their own goals.
In practice, this means linking the subject to something that matters to them: a study plan, a career, a trip, a hobby. And finding a way to approach it that makes it a little more alive.
The 3 needs that fuel motivation
According to Deci and Ryan, autonomous motivation grows when three basic psychological needs are met. Vansteenkiste sums them up as an “ABC”:
- Autonomy: feeling that you have a choice and are acting of your own free will. Letting a student choose the topic of a compulsory presentation, for example, strengthens this feeling.
- Belonging (verbondenheid in Dutch, the B of ABC): feeling supported by parents, classmates and teachers. A student who dares to ask questions and make mistakes without being judged works more calmly.
- Competence: feeling able to succeed and seeing that results come from your own efforts. The bar should be set neither too low nor too high, offering a real challenge that stays within reach.
Research within this framework links autonomous motivation to deeper learning, greater perseverance and better well-being. It is no miracle cure: each child’s personal interests, personality and environment also play a part.
How can you encourage your child’s intrinsic motivation?
If you feel your child mostly runs on “I have to”, here are a few ideas based on these three needs.
Give them choices
- Let them decide the order of their homework or when they study, within a framework you agree on together.
- Explain the “why” behind a rule or a task instead of imposing it without a reason.
- Encourage them to try a different approach to a subject that is not working, and support them as they try.
Turn failure into a chance to learn
After a poor mark, look together at what went wrong and what they could do differently next time. The mistake becomes a step, not a verdict on their worth.
Praise the effort, not just the result
Say “I can see you really worked hard on this chapter” rather than “what a great report card”. Your child will compare themselves less with others and will not feel they have to hit the same score every time.
Talk with your child, not about them
When a problem comes up, look for the solution together. Listen to their point of view before giving yours: they will feel heard and more involved in what comes next.
Go easy on rewards
Promising a reward for every piece of homework may seem effective. Yet Deci and Ryan’s work shows that expected rewards can weaken interest in the task itself. Sincere encouragement is often worth more than a gift.
If the lack of motivation concerns school as a whole, and not just one subject, our article My child doesn’t like school can help you understand the causes.
When an outside view helps
Sometimes the parent and child relationship around homework has become too tense for these tips to be enough. A coach can then take over: they help your child feel capable again, get organised and find meaning in the subject.
At My Sherpa, an educational advisor chooses the right coach for your child, for private tutoring at home anywhere in Belgium, or online. Coaching in study skills also helps them take back control of their studies, andhomework help makes daily life easier for younger children.
