Maths, Dutch, physics or history: almost every student has a subject they just don’t get along with. Is this dislike permanent? And what if the problem lies less in the subject itself than in the way it was first discovered, understood or studied? The good news: a student’s relationship with a subject can change, sometimes surprisingly so.
Why do we hate certain subjects?
“I’m hopeless at maths.” “Dutch just isn’t for me.” “I’ve never understood anything in physics.”
We hear these sentences regularly from pupils and students. And many adults still have bad memories of a subject they studied years ago.
Yet nobody is born with a dislike of equations, grammar rules or chemical reactions. This rejection usually builds up through experience:
- gaps in understanding that pile up, chapter after chapter;
- poor results despite the effort;
- comparing oneself with classmates who seem to succeed effortlessly;
- a teaching method that doesn’t suit, or a pace that is too fast;
- a bad experience with a teacher;
- not seeing the point of what one is learning.
Over time, the student becomes convinced that this subject simply isn’t for them. A vicious circle sets in: the less you like a subject, the less you want to put effort into it. And the less effort you put in, the more the difficulties pile up. For some, this even turns into fear of failure.
Is it the subject you hate, or the feeling of not being able to do it?
That is probably the first question to ask.
Imagine a student who says they hate maths. Talking with them, you discover that they quite liked it in primary school, but started to fall behind with fractions, and then with equations.
Since then, each new chapter has built on ideas they haven’t fully mastered. They struggle to follow the explanations, spend a long time on their exercises and get disappointing results.
What do they really hate today? Maths? Or the feeling of constantly struggling?
The distinction matters. Feeling competent plays a key role in motivation. Solving a problem, understanding how something works, seeing your progress: all this brings a satisfaction that makes you want to keep going. Conversely, when the effort seems to lead nowhere, motivation wears away.
That is why gradually regaining a grip on a subject can also change how you see it. And this is often what rebuilds self-confidence.
Understanding can change the pleasure of learning
There is a particularly interesting moment in learning: the moment when something that seemed incomprehensible suddenly becomes obvious. A maths formula starts to make sense. A grammar rule becomes logical. A scientific phenomenon you had learned by heart finally finds its explanation.
That click can change a lot.
Take a student learning a foreign language. If they spend most of their time memorising vocabulary lists and conjugations, they will probably find it tedious. But the day they hold a first conversation, understand a video or read a text that interests them, the language takes on another dimension. It becomes a way to communicate, and no longer just a set of rules to remember (more ideas in our 7 tips for learning a language).
The same thing can happen in science, history or maths.
This does not mean that all learning has to be fun. Some stages require repetition, rigour and effort. But understanding what you are doing and why, and seeing that you are making progress, makes that effort far more satisfying. To check that you have really understood, the Feynman technique is a good tool.
Finding a way in that interests you
A school subject often covers a much wider world than what is seen in class.
A student who doesn’t like maths may be passionate about video games, sport or music. Yet maths is found in game programming, in the analysis of sports performance and in musical rhythm. Likewise, a young person who finds history boring may be interested in politics, international conflicts or major changes in society: subjects that are easier to understand when you know where they come from.
The idea is not to turn every lesson into a game, but to build links between what has to be learned and the learner’s interests. A few examples:
- In maths: approaching probability through games, sports statistics or everyday decisions.
- In languages: discovering songs, films, series or content related to one’s passions.
- In science: starting from observable phenomena, experiments or concrete questions.
- In history: linking past events to today’s world.
These links do not replace learning the basics, but they can spark a curiosity that wasn’t there before. Sometimes a single interesting question is enough to start seeing a subject differently. For younger children, we share practical ideas in our article on strategies to help your child succeed in maths.
The decisive role of the person who supports you
Most of us have known a teacher who made us want to explore a subject further. And sometimes another who, without meaning to, put us off it.
The relationship with the person passing on knowledge deeply shapes how we feel about learning. Good support means explaining an idea correctly, but also understanding why the student is stuck, adapting the explanations and helping them regain confidence in their abilities. Depending on the student, that means:
- more concrete examples;
- going back over prerequisites that were never really acquired;
- slower progress, in small steps;
- being able to ask questions without fear of judgement.
This is one of the great advantages of private tutoring : one-to-one support adapts the pace and the method to the needs of each pupil or student.
At My Sherpa, this is at the heart of our support. Beyond the subject itself, the aim is to help everyone develop their knowledge, their study skills and their motivation. Because a student who regains confidence in their ability to learn can, step by step, change their relationship with a subject they thought they hated.
Do you really have to learn to like every subject?
No. And that is an important point.
Everyone has their own preferences, strengths, interests and plans. It is perfectly normal to be more drawn to some subjects than to others. So the aim is not to convince a student that every subject is fascinating.
It is, however, useful to distinguish three situations:
- Lack of interest: the subject doesn’t particularly interest the student, but they study it calmly.
- Negative feelings linked to difficulties: they dislike the subject because they struggle with it, and this feeling can change.
- Real rejection: often linked to repeated failures or a loss of confidence.
In the last two situations, working on the student’s relationship with the subject can be as important as working on its content. And when the rejection goes beyond a single subject, our article is worth reading: “My child doesn’t like school”.
The goal is not necessarily to spark a passion. Going from “I hate maths” to “It’s not my favourite subject, but I understand it better and I can do it” is already huge progress.
How can you change your relationship with a subject in practice?
For a pupil, a student or an adult returning to education, a few approaches help to tackle a difficult subject differently.
- Pinpoint exactly what the problem is. The content, the results, the method, or the feeling of never understanding? The answer points to the right approach.
- Start again from what you know. Going back for a while to easier exercises helps rebuild solid foundations and experience success again.
- Look for practical applications. Linking the subject to everyday life or to your interests gives it meaning.
- Set gradual goals. Rather than aiming for excellence overnight, aim for visible progress: understanding a chapter, mastering one type of exercise, working more independently.
- Change method or tutor. A different explanation, a different approach or personalised support can unblock a situation that seemed hopeless.
This takes time. But step by step, it replaces an experience dominated by frustration with a more constructive relationship with learning.
What if we simply looked at it differently?
Can you learn to like a subject you hate? Yes, it is possible. But it is neither automatic nor essential.
What matters most is understanding that our relationship with a subject is not set in stone. A bad experience, temporary difficulties or a few disappointing results do not define our abilities for good.
Sometimes all it takes is filling a few gaps. Sometimes, discovering an unexpected application. And sometimes, meeting someone who finds the right words to explain differently what you had never understood.
We don’t always choose the subjects we have to learn. But we can often change the way we approach them. And what if the first goal was not to love this subject, but simply to give yourself a new chance to understand it?
Getting support
Is your child stuck in maths, in Dutch or in physics and saying they “hate” the subject? At My Sherpa, an educational advisor first takes stock with you, then chooses a coach who goes back over the basics at your child’s pace and helps them regain confidence. Lessons take place at home anywhere in Belgium, or online.
